A Journey to Right Livelihood

Finding my true purpose in life - a calling, if you will - has been my lifelong search. I remember a church camp activity when I was 13 years old. On a section of a bamboo cross, each camper was to write a one word description of his or her greatest challenge. My word was "discontentment." Inside the piece of bamboo, we were to write what we were seeking. My word was "contentment." I kept that piece of bamboo for years, thinking I would display it when I finally felt content. The bamboo is long gone, but almost 40 years later, I continue to seek contentment.

In high school, I remember taking the career aptitude tests and meeting with the guidance counselor with anticipation and excitement. He was going to reveal to me the careers I would be good at and I would finally feel some sense of direction. As he reviewed my scores with my mother and me, he summarized, "Deb could be anything she chooses to be." I was crushed. I didn't hear those words as an opportunity but rather, as some kind of black hole. I thought, "What kind of guidance was that? Now what am I supposed to do?"

My name - Debra - means "seeking one" in Hebrew. The symbol is a bee. Bees, so the explanation goes, are always seeking, buzzing from activity to activity. This so aptly describes me that I had a bee tattooed on my left shoulder. However, in my constant movement, flitting here and buzzing there, I'm often left with a vague sense of unease - as though I'm not quite fulfilling my potential.

Recently, I came across the notion of "right livelihood." According to Thich Nhat Hanh, this means, "finding a way to earn a living without transgressing ideals of love and compassion....Our vocation can nourish our understanding and compassion, or erode them. We should be awake to the consequences, far and near, of the way we earn our living."

For Lisa Kivirist and John Ivanko (Rural Renaissance: Renewing the Quest for the Good Life, 2004), right livelihood has meant having the freedom and autonomy to pursue multiple "careers," from photography to farming to gardening to running a bed and breakfast. The underlying foundation for them was to be able to "work together on an intimate, daily basis, living closer to the land." I envy their connection to one another, their work, and their land. And yet, I know I cannot simply imitate their lives.

Deepening my relationships with my husband, children, grandchildren and extended family has become increasingly more important to me as I get older, and I continue to seek ways to do that. At the same time, work that is intellectually challenging, socially satisfying, and financially sufficient is also important.

In the past 3 years, I have read many memoirs, magazine articles, and books about individuals who change careers to find more meaning in their lives. Sometimes they want to have time for new hobbies; sometimes they realize the importance of spending more time with family, oftentimes they are burned out and switch careers entirely.

A few months ago, I read "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin in which she documents her concerted attempt to seek happiness in one year's time. In the spirit of Gretchen's book, I have decided to take a year to pursue my right livelihood.

I will consider questions such as:

• Is there really one best livelihood for each one of us or is it possible that there are many callings?
• Is it possible to separate one's livelihood (career) from one's physical, mental, relational, and spiritual self? In other words, if one feels "right" physically, mentally, etc., will one's career also feel right? And conversely, if one feels "off" physically, mentally, etc. will one's career also feel off?
• Does one's right livelihood change as one ages? I know, for example, that my interest in being an executive director of a non-profit 10 years ago is not something that I'd be interested in doing today.

To begin this journey, I believe I need to look at my past, my childhood. Some of the questions I'll consider are:

• What did I like to do as a child?
  
• What were my favorite subjects in school? What did I like to read?
  
• Who was I close to? What were my relationships like?
  
• What kind of person was I? What was my temperament?
  
• How did I address my spiritual needs?
• What was my health like?
  

After I review my childhood, I will consider where I am today, and finally, I will move on to where I hope to go in the future. I don't know if this will help me discover my right livelihood. My hope is that by documenting my journey, I will discern patterns and discover direction for my future.

I wonder if you'll join me?